I have been so fortunate to receive & review the book that’s among the top 5 of all parenting books I’ve read in my years as a mom. And, if you’re the mother of boys, you’re going to want to read it too!
Emerson Eggerichs, PhD, is well-known for his Love & Respect series and retreats, in which he discusses what men and women most want in their marriage relationships. Now, he delves into the mother-son relationship with his newest book, Mother & Son: The Respect Effect. Its tagline is “What Every Mom Needs to Recognize In Her Son.”
Dr. Eggerichs mentions, and you’ve probably seen in recent years, how much daughters need to know they are loved and valued by their fathers. Research has shown the detrimental effects the lack of a father’s love and involvement can have on girls and the women they later become. But there hasn’t been a lot of research or discussion on what boys need from their mamas. I am so happy that Dr. Eggerichs noticed that…and that he has written this book. It’s really the book that I didn’t know I needed!
So what is the “respect effect?”
I love the way it’s defined in Mothers and Sons: “a mother’s respect is her positive regard toward her son, no matter what he does” (page 14). Whether it’s in discussion and life, or discipline and correction, boys and young men long for the respect of their moms, just as young girls long for their fathers’ love. But how exactly is a mom to show this respect?
It’s honoring a boy during correction—expressing that even though he has done wrong or made a mistake, HE is not a mistake, and he is worthy of respect. It’s recognizing that a boy’s needs relationally are different from a girl’s needs; and parenting accordingly. It’s noticing the way we talk to our boys and being sure that we’re not disrespectful, even if there’s some major correction necessary. Really, it’s just showing honor to these kiddos as fellow human beings….and speaking their language.
Dr. Eggerichs speaks about what God calls us to do as moms (and gives many helpful ideas and perspectives on these things). But he also talks about the needs that males (whether young or old) have. How they are crafted by God with these needs, and how these can be recognized and honored by moms. These include, among others, authority, insight, strength and conquest, relationships. Mother & Son takes a chapter on each of these, and explains how a young man or boy will express these, what they mean to him, and how moms can walk alongside and healthily parent their male children in these areas. There’s also a quick start in the very back for mothers who want to start adding respect into their mom-son relationship but haven’t worked through the entire book yet. Dr. Eggerichs also deals with the practice of forgiveness, and also discusses objections he’s heard about ideas.
How Mother and Son has affected me and my parenting
This whole “respect effect” thing may not come naturally to a mom. After all, we moms are all girls! And women often approach family relationships from the perspective of love, not respect. I would say that it doesn’t occur naturally in me! I grew up around women (mom and sister) and was very close to my aunts and female cousins. And I’ve always been involved in women’s volunteer groups or women’s ministries in some form or fashion. It is very, very natural for me to approach relationships from the perspective of love.
However, I do have a son who’s a teen. And not that he doesn’t need love—no, of course he does! But it’s pretty incredible how loving it can seem to him when I’m attempting to communicate respect for him in our interactions. And I have to say that, in the little amount of time I have been working through this book and attempting to put these principles into practice, I have really seen some wonderful things in our relationship. It is amazing to see how powerful the use of respect in a mother-son relationship can be…and how beneficial it looks to be for our son. And not just for him—but for our relationship as parent-child as well!
I haven’t finished Mother & Son yet. Really, it is such a valuable book, but the ideas are really so new and fresh to me that I am working through each chapter slowly and purposefully. I am really attempting to use it to help change my behavior and mothering for the better. I can tell that this is going to be a close-at-hand resource for years to come! (Along with my highlighter and Post-It tabs for marking important thoughts and ideas in the book!)
And now—a chance for you to win a copy Mother & Son for yourself!
And trust me—you so want to get this book! If you’re not the winner, go to the bookstore or Amazon and get it!
But, back to the giveaway. FlyBy Promotions has generously provided a copy of Mother & Son for me to provide for one winner!
***If you have not won a giveaway from FlyBy Promotions/Propeller during the last 30 days, you are eligible to enter this one!*** Just enter the Giveaway Tools entry form below.