I have an incredible book to share with you today. And, I am not overstating things when I tell you that this book, quite literally, could save someone’s life. The BlogAbout Blogger Network provided me with a copy to read/review plus a copy to give away to one reader. The book is OVERCOMING The Narcissist, Sociopath, Psychopath, And Other Domestic Abusers, written by Charlene D. Quint, J.D., C.D.V.P.
What is Overcoming?
OVERCOMING The Narcissist, Sociopath, Psychopath, And Other Domestic Abusers is a handbook to help readers do three things:
- Recognize the Narcissistic/Sociopath/Psychopath/Domestic Abuser
- Remove the Narcissistic/Sociopath/Psychopath/Domestic Abuser from Your Life
- Recover from the Narcissistic/Sociopath/Psychopath/Domestic Abuser
Overcoming is a large, textbook-sized hardback book. Its author, Charlene D. Quint, practices family law in Illinois. She has written several books to aid victims of domestic abuse and, as the book cover says, to help them “become the fearless victors God designed them to be.” Charlene is also a Certified Domestic Violence Professional as well as a survivor of domestic abuse herself. In Overcoming, she takes the often-confusing subject of domestic violence apart, explaining what it is, what it looks like, its effect on families, and how to get free of it not only physically but spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. It is written from a Christian perspective but its information and principles are based on current and solid psychological research as well.
Although Overcoming is 572 pages long, it is never daunting and always readable. Each chapter is full of illuminating information as well as real-life accounts of both women and men who were trapped in relationships with abusers. I’d like to tell you about what you’ll find in each of the three sections, then I’ll share with you my own impressions.
Recognizing the Abuser
As I read Overcoming, I often thought of Leo Tolstoy’s famous words at the beginning of Anna Karenina: “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” That is a fantastic story-opener but it’s the exact opposite of the truths about domestic violence and abusers. They often share extremely similar cycles of behavior and abuse. They seek the same patterns of power (for themselves) and victimization (for their significant others). Often, the victim of relationship violence thinks that they are the problem, that if they had only done this or that differently they’d never have faced abuse. In fact, according to research and scientific literature, abusers are often narcissists, sociopaths, or psychopaths who have incredible similarities in behavior. It’s actually both astonishing and horrifying how much abusers have in common with each other.
In this opening section of Overcoming, Charlene discusses the goals and habits of abusers, phases of abusive relationships, and the differences between healthy and emotionally unhealthy relationships. She examines types of abuse (emotional, verbal, physical, financial, sexual, and spiritual), infidelity, common behaviors of abusers, and the question all victims of abuse eventually ask: “Why do they do what they do?” Interestingly enough, while mentally healthy men and women seek to own and take responsibility for their own failings, it turns out that abuse doesn’t happen because significant others “do something wrong.” It’s instead all in the mind, motivation, choices, and actions of the abuser.
Section two of Overcoming explains the realities of abusive relationships by discussing important yet often hidden truths about them:
- Why does she stay?
- What to expect from the abuser if she stays or leaves the relationship
- What to expect from children, families, and the community of she leaves (and this is particularly heartbreaking)
- Creating a safety plan
- Understanding that this is a spiritual battle
- What the Bible actually says about divorcing an abuser
- Mistakes churches and pastors make in counseling abusers and their victims
- and more
Charlene reveals in this segment the patterns that abusers follow over and over again in their relationships. Abuse escalates, damages its victims (whether they are spouses or children) and destroys individuals. Family, friends, and communities often follow the pattern of becoming complicit in the abuse when they believe the abusers’ lies and deny the victims’ pain and suffering. It is shocking and devastating and it almost never benefits the victim. But there really can be a way out of the abuse although the victims must approach this with great wisdom and forethought, for their own protection and survival.
An abusive relationship, and its effects on its victims, can feel hopeless as well as terrifying. But there really is hope out there. In this last section of Overcoming, Charlene discusses the affects of abuse on women and children, and those whom the abuser targets as he or she pursues romantic relationships. They are powerful and honestly, life-altering (or life-stealing). There are lies that keep victims trapped in abusive relationships. But there are truths from God that actually set them free.
There are specific steps victims (and their children) can take to move towards healing. And it is possible to step into healthy new relationships, both with people and with God, who truly desires to be our Rescuer, Defender, Redeemer, and Healer. Charlene discusses all of these and provides practical ways victims can overcome and heal and walk out a new life.
Truly, I feel that it was somewhat difficult to really do justice to this book in a review, this book which I feel must certainly be Charlene Quint’s masterwork. OVERCOMING will lead those broken by others’ abuse down the road of healing. It will provide understanding of the evil behavior of abusers, as well as recognition of what abuse really is. OVERCOMING is, I believe, a book which will support and help to set free those damaged by narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths, and other abusers. It will help captives walk out of the darkness of abuse into the beautiful light of freedom.
My thoughts and impressions
Although Overcoming deals with a terrifying and difficult subject matter, I found it extremely readable and even, for me, healing to read. I have known abusive men and women over the course of my life, as a child, as a young woman, and as an adult. I would even guess that some of these people might have been narcissistic or sociopathic (although I am not professionally equipped to diagnose them myself).
I think that most of us would find the patterns and habits of abusers inexplicable and beyond our own understanding. Why on earth would they ever treat others the way they do? Why are they so mean? Why are they willing to harm others for their own personal gain? Each of us may, in our lifetimes, encounter abusers and experience the pain they inflict. But, there is hope.
I discovered as I read Overcoming that we really can understand why they behave this way, recognize the patterns they follow, and perhaps most important, learn how to be safe from the damaging influences they inflict. I learned that we can know that God does not inflict abusive relationships on us but that instead, that He loves us and provides not only a way out but a way of healing and restoration.
To me, that is all amazing!
Who could benefit from Overcoming?
Perhaps you know someone who is in a domestically abusive relationship. Perhaps you know a pastor or a counselor who could benefit from this book. Or maybe, most significantly…maybe YOU need this book.
If so, I urge you to get a copy for yourself. Charlene Quint has made this enormous guidebook available at an incredibly affordable price, less than $30 on Amazon. (Just click on this link, Overcoming, to purchase there.)
This book really could save someone’s life. It could help a person avoid abusive relationships. And, it could help them to heal. It is worth every penny, and more.
Best of all, The BlogAbout Network has provided a copy of this amazing book that one person will win in a giveaway!
To enter to win, simply click on the “Enter here!” link below. That will take you to a Giveaway Tools entry form where you’ll be able to enter the giveaway in a variety of ways. Giveaway closes 12/16/20. One winner will receive a copy of OVERCOMING The Narcissist, Sociopath, Psychopath, And Other Domestic Abusers. Best wishes!
Thank you for reading. And for each and every one of you, I hope you are safe. You are important and you are loved.
DISCLOSURE: From time to time, FINCHNWREN may receive a free product or service in exchange for our honest opinions expressed in our blog. We are not required to write a positive or glowing review, nor are we additionally compensated for these reviews. We share our own opinions, and our family’s opinion, of these products. We’re disclosing this in accordance with FTC regulations.